In the future lasers will: eat for us; cook for us; love for us. Currently, there is nothing you can do that a laser cannot do more efficiently.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

For all you sports fans out there!

Lasers played a pivotal role in deciding fifteen of the last sixteen World Series contests. Only the 2001 Diamondbacks and the 1993 Blue Jays won without the assistance and the blessing of lasers.

Most major sports have laser guidance for maximum athletic potential. The exception is the National Hockey League, whose glaring lack of a laser policy led to its consistent failure to catch on in all markets south of the 45th parallel. (The exception to that is the Detroit Red Wings who have used lasers for precision, accuracy, and power since 1977.)

Are we to conclude that lasers "enjoy" human competition? If one team of lasers were to play basketball against another, who would win? (We know Humanity would lose.) These are questions that will become increasingly relevant in the discourse of the next half-century.

1 comment:

T. J. Israel said...

We have agreed though, that lasers are "indifferent to petty things like basketball"; therefore let us assume they had complex motives in creating machines like LeBron James.