In the future lasers will: eat for us; cook for us; love for us. Currently, there is nothing you can do that a laser cannot do more efficiently.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Lasers Unleashed!

While doing research on another endeavor, I came across this sample of lasers' power:

170mW Green Laser Tricks

Crude, yes, but it just shows that w are more overmatched than imagined.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Have you ever wondered, "Why lasers?"?

Then you deserve to be shot by a laser.

That's why lasers.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Laserwatch: lasers in the news

Two important pieces of information have come to our attention regarding lasers and their incredible power, awesomeness, innovation, and superiority.

First, sources in the American military have reported that lasers have learned how to talk to people. While there is little reason for them to do so, as they clearly could cause us to do their bidding without such subtleties (and one cannot conceive of a reason they would need us to do their bidding), this gesture may be an expression of their unparalleled beneficence. Such a technique might be used to reduce the inevitable human casualties in a takeover of human affairs by lasers to merely shocking levels. Or they may more directly toy with us, should they please.

Second, and more important: The Most Powerful Laser in the Universe has made court at the University of Michigan. (Whether this is the most powerful laser in the universe is irrelevant: they could make a more powerful should they choose.) Termed "HERCULES" by those who dare discuss it, this laser has demonstrated a power equivalent to that of the sun, concentrated onto a grain of rice. It likely weilds enough firepower to destroy an entire planet. Though its intentions may not be comprehended, one may take this as more evidence of the imminent revolution.

If you wish to pay it obeisance, please walk barefoot to U of M and prostrate yourself naked beyond its laboratory door. By HERCULES, don't attempt to make eye contact!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Movie Review: Short Circuit

This movie is an insult to science and pop culture. Robots don't kill people-- lasers kill people. I give it one and a half lasers.

The Lasersaurus

I predict the Lasersaurus will be a mighty reptilian beast much like the dinosaur.

Say "cheese"

The laser background was a popular one for yearbook photographs when I was in middle school. Most kids grew out of it by 9th grade, but I tried to keep it alive through 11th. And if you're wondering, no, this isn't me.

Speaking of "cheese," though, I'm patiently waiting for the day they invent a cheese-cutting laser. My cheese knife just doesn't "cut it," literally as well as figuratively speaking.

Unicorns vs. Lasers revisited

Contrary to Israel's post on Wednesday, May 16, 2007, unicorns do have the ability to defeat some lasers:

But the lasers used in this clip are of the magic variety, not mechanized. Mechanized lasers would incinerate a unicorn:

If unicorns had any sense, they'd develop the ability to shoot lasers from their horns. But they didn't, and natural selection took its toll: the magic lasers evolved into mechanized lasers and effectively hunted unicorns to extinction.