Movie Review: Short Circuit

This movie is an insult to science and pop culture. Robots don't kill people-- lasers kill people. I give it one and a half lasers.

fun fact #2

Lasers actually hate the music of Pink Floyd. In the future, there'll be very little mercy for the potheads who put the two together.

anything else just wouldn't make the cut...

I really wonder what they use for slicing loaves of bread. I know what I'd use.

For all you sports fans out there!

Lasers played a pivotal role in deciding fifteen of the last sixteen World Series contests. Only the 2001 Diamondbacks and the 1993 Blue Jays won without the assistance and the blessing of lasers.

Most major sports have laser guidance for maximum athletic potential. The exception is the National Hockey League, whose glaring lack of a laser policy led to its consistent failure to catch on in all markets south of the 45th parallel. (The exception to that is the Detroit Red Wings who have used lasers for precision, accuracy, and power since 1977.)

Are we to conclude that lasers "enjoy" human competition? If one team of lasers were to play basketball against another, who would win? (We know Humanity would lose.) These are questions that will become increasingly relevant in the discourse of the next half-century.

"Miracles"

The technology is currently available to produce lasers that can replicate food that we humans subsist on. A laser could, for example, take five loaves and two fishes and multiply them to feed a crowd of at least 5000.

Is it possible that Jesus of Nazareth employed lasers to achieve just this? Probably not, as the concept of the laser didn't exist until the early twentieth century. However, it is important to consider the miracles lasers are capable of, and how it could affect our very thinking about spirituality, the afterlife, and the idea of God itself.

Real Estate

Another reason lasers are ideal for replacing humans (their tasks made redundant, obivously) is that lasers require an incredibly minuscule amount of space to exist, and do not need housing, as we know. One thing that humans will not have to fear from the lasers is competition for residential space. For this reason, lasers also do not ever need to commute to their place of service - they can remain stationary.

Thus, there will never be any migrant laser villages (the mere concept is preposterous), and lasers will play a huge role in eliminating urban pollution.

New book

I photoshopped Pat Robertson's book cover.


Now it's up to the lasers to replace his god.

Laser for the cure

I'm sorry, but if they really wanted to win the race against cancer, they'd get lasers to run it for them.

Lasers are so fast!

the future is undeniably here

Further proof that everything posted on this blog is exactly true.

A theory...

Women are attracted to lasers for their power, their durability, and most importantly, their precision.

Just so we are all clear:

“Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation”

Important Conundrum(s)

If lasers will, indeed, do everything in the future (which is a doubtless fact), and if, indeed, all which is not needed in this laser paradise will be elminated (hard to refute), what role will humans play in this electrolight utopia?

Perhaps more importantly, if the lasers choose to, indeed, eliminate us, could we say they were wrong?

If humanity is not eliminated, will lasers die for us?